Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
