Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
