This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
