Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
