glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i've created a new STD.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
