I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
barbara walters just said penis...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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