I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
