I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
