Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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