I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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