i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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