if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
