you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
