home. puking in laundry basket.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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