we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
