You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
