i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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