they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
