Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
