chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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