rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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