OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
