I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
