Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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