i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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