Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
