hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
