i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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