It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
