I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize