i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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