there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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