I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
