I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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