He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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