Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
