wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
