did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
