had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
