summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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