Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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