ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
