I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize