Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can text with my tongue
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
