Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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