clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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