marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
