Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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