I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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