I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You made out with two different species that night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
