the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
