Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
