dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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