nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Shame is for Republicans.
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