just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
