I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
