roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
