just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
