Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
